Abortion Saved My Life

So, there’s this lawmaker out of Kansas who has lots to say about abortion. He’s currently best known for saying that women should plan ahead in case of rape and not expect their regular insurance to cover an abortion if they want one after being assaulted. And we could spend a lot of time going around about the flaws in his logic, or even hashing out when life begins, but really this post isn’t about any of that. This post is about the idea that anyone besides the pregnant woman should get a vote in what she does with her body after finding out about a pregnancy. For a host of reasons we as a society seem incapable of accepting bodily autonomy in women. This is reflected in the existence of street harassment, rape culture, and the million efforts to dictate whether or not women can control their own reproductive health. This attitude that women are shirking responsibility by opting out of having unwanted children has always boggled my mind.

But then I’m a mom, and I would never want my kids to grow up an unwanted child like I did. I love my kids more than I could ever explain & I do my best to give them the childhood I never had. Because I love them I had an abortion at 20 weeks. It was my 5th pregnancy (I had two miscarriages while I was trying to conceive my sons), and as it turned out my last. It was troubled from the start, I didn’t experience any of the normal indicators of pregnancy, so I found out when I was already 10 weeks along. No missed periods, in fact I was seeing an OB/GYN who specializes in treating fibroids and endometriosis in part because of the increased heaviness of my cycle. When we found out (that standard pregnancy test before surgery is necessary after all) I talked it out with my husband and we debated aborting (I got as far as the clinic), before ultimately deciding that we would try to make it work. My doctor advised me right off the bat that she wasn’t certain of a good outcome and that my pregnancy would be very high risk. I did exactly what she said in terms of taking it easy, because I wanted to give that child the best possible chance. But the intermittent bleeding wouldn’t stop and I knew that there was a high chance that I would not be able to carry to term.

I was taking an afternoon nap when the hemorrhaging started. Laying in bed with my toddler napping in his room, and waking up to find blood gushing up my body is an experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone. The placental abruption that my doctor had listed as a possibility was happening and I was going to have to do my best to take care of both of us. Mind you, my husband was at work and my not quite 2 year old sure couldn’t dial 911 for me so I had to make it to the phone & make arrangements for the sleeping toddler as well as his older brother before I could leave the house. I’ll spare you the gory details of my personal splatter flick, but suffice to say by the time I got to the hospital I probably needed a transfusion.

We all knew the pregnancy wasn’t viable, couldn’t be viable with the amount of blood I was losing, but it still took them hours to do anything, because the doctor on call didn’t do abortions. At all. Ever. No one on call that night did them in fact. A very kind nurse risked her job to call a doctor from the Reproductive Health Clinic who was not on call, and asked her to come in to save my life. Fortunately she was home, and even more fortunately she was able to get there relatively quickly. But by the time she got there I was in bad shape. Blood loss had rendered me borderline incoherent, an incredibly ignorant batch of students were fascinated by my case and more interested in studying me than treating me (one had the audacity to show me the ultrasound of our dying child while asking me if it was a planned pregnancy), and then there was the fact that I was on the L & D floor listening to other women have healthy babies while I bled out and the baby I had been trying to save died in my womb.

When the other doctor got there she had me moved to a different wing, got me painkillers (we were many hours into my hospital stay, and no one had bothered to give me anything for the pain despite my screams every time they decided to push on my abdomen or examine me for student edification), and then after checking my labs told us that I would need two bags of blood before she could do anything. Her team (a cadre of students who should all go on to run their own clinics) took turns coming in to check on me and my husband. They all kept assuring me that soon it would be over, and I would feel much better. My husband had to sign the consent for surgery (there was no question of me being competent enough to make decisions), and they took me away along with a third bag of blood to be administered during surgery.

What I didn’t know until much later was that the doctor took my husband aside while they were taking me back. She promised him she would do her best to save me, and then she warned him about the distinct possibility that she would fail. See, that doctor who didn’t do abortions was supposed to have contacted her (or someone else) immediately. He didn’t. His students didn’t either. Because I was their case and they weren’t done with me yet. Or something. Ostensibly there was a communication breakdown and they thought she had been notified, but given the talk about writing a paper on me that I do remember happening over my head? I doubt it. I don’t know if his objections were religious or not, all I know is that when a bleeding woman was brought to him for treatment he refused to do the only thing that could stop the bleeding. Because he didn’t do abortions. Ever.

My two kids at home were going to lose their mother because someone decided that my life was worth less than that of a fetus that wasn’t going to survive any way. Mind you, my husband told them exactly what my regular doctor had said, and the ER doctor had already warned us what would need to happen. But, none of that mattered in the face of this idea that no one needs an abortion. You don’t know what a woman who decides to abort needs, and you shouldn’t need to know in order to trust her to make the best decision for herself. I don’t care why a woman aborts, all I care is that she has access to safe affordable healthcare. I don’t regret my abortion, and I will never extrapolate my situation to mean that the only time other women should abort is when their life is at stake. Why? Well after the news hit my family that I’d aborted I got a phone call from a cousin who felt the need to tell me that I was wrong to have interfered with God’s plan. In that moment I understood that the kind of people who will judge a woman’s reproductive choices are the kind of people that I don’t want to be.


100 thoughts on “Abortion Saved My Life

  1. Wow. I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you. I read this over on Salon, and thought I would comment on your personal blog instead. Thank you for sharing your story; it’s amazing that a full third of women in this country will have had an abortion (for whatever reason) by the time they are 40, and yet access to safe, reliable reproductive care for women is constantly being threatened and called into question. It was brave of you to share what you went through, and highlights some incredibly disturbing possibilities for women in America. I am sorry for what you lost (your baby, as well as your ability to feel safe and cared for in our healthcare system), and thank you for your story.

  2. There’s a discussion about your article over at jillstanek.com.

    I’m one of the blog moderators. Consider this an invitation to come and clarify some points of confusion that some of the commentors have.

    Emotions will run high, but I’ll see to it that the conversation remains civil.


    1. @carder: If you can’t keep the discussion civil before the author comments, how can you claim to be interested in civil discourse?

      There isn’t any “confusion”, just second guessing and judging. What is sad and pathetic is that you probably believe you are an open, accepting site.

    2. You have some nerve coming here and trying to entice a woman Jill Stanek publicly called a liar over to her wretched excuse for a blog so Jill and her little friends can call her names and lie about her. How can you look yourself in the mirror?

    3. You have some nerve. With the majority of posters, including Jill herself, either outright insisting or STRONGLY implying that her story is full of lies, you “invite” her to “clarify”? Puh-lease. It’s already uncivil! “Criticize ideas, not people” is the first rule, yet the majority of posts–before descending into philosophy–are about how no one believes her story, mostly because “everyone knows” that no doctor would just leave her there without treatment, and therefore she must be lying. This, despite the many instances of malpractice we sadly have on a daily basis from all corners of the medical field. Oh and also the “she would be dead by now if she were losing that much blood” comments…as if all of your coterie were doctors.

      The worst, however, was the piece-of-work known as mama3, who wrote
      “Follow the money….

      Is or isn’t there a lawsuit, did she or did she not seek to have the doctors liscence [sic] removed?

      Or was she paid by someone for this revelation?”

      Your posters are horrible examples of human beings.

  3. Having taken a look at the comments on your blog I have no desire to be put through the same callous judging of my life and my choices that I’ve already experienced once. I’m here for the two living children that needed me because of an abortion. Chronic placental abruption, placenta previa, and premature active labor were all part and parcel of the demise of my fetus. I had no amniotic fluid left in my womb and I was in agony. But hey, keep telling yourself that my kids didn’t me alive as much as that fetus needed me to die too.

  4. Jill Stanek is a joke. I don’t normally wish tragedy on anyone, but in her case – and in the case of most of you so-called “pro-lifers” — it’s going to take something along the lines of what Mikki went through to knock some friggin’ sense into your heads. Women’s reproductive decisions are none of your business. ENOUGH ALREADY. Stop pretending that abortion is the only controversial example of “killing” in our society. In this country, we have a long history of siding with the individual when there is disagreement. So leave women alone, or move to a country that does not observe civil liberties. I’m sick to death of you.

  5. Bravo. That was well written and much needed. Of course, there will always be hard-core people who believe that a fetus’s life is more important than a woman’s (like those at jill stanek’s site). No one will ever convince them otherwise. It is sad and disgusting.

    I’m pro-choice because I’m pro-life. I believe that life is more important than anything. And more lives will end if abortion is illegal. Your story reminds me of that once again.

  6. As if two horrific experiences aren’t enough, “pro-lifers” want you to come onto their site so they can tell you how horrible you are for being…alive? And people wonder what is wrong with the world…it’s people like those, who think that women’s lives are worthless.

    I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. Thank you for speaking out, and for showing people how wrong it is to judge any woman’s reasons for an abortion.

  7. (((HUGS)))) won’t mean much to you but there they are anyway :) I went through something similar 25 years ago in a British military hospital- it was bad enough experience even with good doctors and nurses taking care of me- what you went through should never be allowed to happen to any woman and its about time the USA dragged itself into the 21st century and started treating women like real people. Even back then I had to fight for some of the things that are done as a matter of course over here in the UK – that add to the memories of the experience and help you grieve- its as if men in the USA just want women to suffer forever. I hope you feel that you have a measure of support out here in cyberland- you have mine :)

  8. First of all I’m very sorry and sad to hear about what you had to go through and at the same time I would also like to thank you for sharing what must have been a terrible experience for you and your husband with us.

    Just so that you know I learnt about this through the Richard Dawkins Foundation and Pharyngula.


  9. I’ve also come across your story via Pharyngula. I’m at a loss for words.

    Isn’t this amounting to malpractice? Refusing to treat a patient flies right in the face of the hippocratic oath.

    All the best from Europe.

  10. So sorry you went through this. I have also almost bled to death in a hospital setting and needed multiple transfusions to replace the blood lost. It was a horrible experience for me, but I didn’t need an abortion- which appears to make all the difference in the world to healthcare providers. How sick of a world do we live in when we decide it’s much better for two lives to be lost than one? I am glad you are alive and healthy and able to testify how medically necessary abortion can be… there are a lot of women who would end up in the same situation as you if they got pregnant (I am one.) I am shocked that anyone would dare to come here and suggest otherwise.

  11. I would also like to add for any self-righteous pro-life ladies out there reading this blog: this can happen to YOU. It doesn’t matter if you have had healthy babies in the past. Your condition can change without warning; and if you find yourself pregnant, hemmorhaging, and chosing whether to die with your baby and abandon your other children or to abort the one you are carrying, what would you choose? Knowing your baby will never survive at 20 weeks anyway, are you going to throw yourself on the sacrificial funeral pyre and allow yourself to die, as a form of suicide, cruelly abandoning your other children? What does that say about you as a person, if you were to make that choice?

    As to the author of this blog: look into legal action against the hospital. They were medically negligent. You have a great case; no one was on call who was willing to treat you.

  12. Thank you so much for sharing your story, and I am so sorry you had to go through this.

  13. Sorry for your loss and what you had to go through. Each story like this angers me to the core. There’s no freedom in religion and the least of which for women. There are so many texts that are anti womens rights it makes me want to vomit. I would hope that this and many stories like it reach the law makers but we know there’s no hope for the hopeless. To the one this story is about. I wish you well, and good health.

  14. My heart goes out to you. One thing above all that has bothered me would be that the Jill Stanek people go so far as to call you heartless. They question how loving a mother you are and ignore the fact that it takes a true mother to want to be there for their children. You have to children and they were in your heart. It’s hard to go through what you went through but the fact is it took a lot of courage and love to make the decision you made. So make any comments you’d like but I feel that it is unfair to judge her love for her kids. Their very first comments rule states:

    “Criticize ideas, not people.”

  15. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m from Kansas (fourth generation) and I am deeply ashamed and embarrassed by my state. I moved away from it because it is so awful.

    I always supported the rights of adults over fetuses and I still do. My own peace with this was rattled when I was diagnosed with cancer and the treatment for it would render me unable to carry my own children. Thankfully, my doctors helped me preserve my fertility and I have nine embryos frozen. Do I consider my five-day-old masses of cells “my children?” Absolutely. Would I call someone who brought about their demise a murderer or even a killer? No. As much as I am profoundly affected by having frozen children and as much emotional attachment as I have to them, I also accept that their “rights” do not supersede any adult’s. I also do not feel it is anyone else’s right to say what I can and cannot do with my embryos. Until one can live and breathe in this world on their own, they’re mine, pure and simple.

    All of this “debate” centers around someone insisting on having a say in someone else’s life, whether this is a father, husband, sister, aunt… It is audacious and ridiculous that we, as a society, accept this intrusion. If there was anything someone should STFU about, it is someone else’s body. Why not legislate piercing or dieting or psychiatric treatment? Because these things are no one else’s business. Period.

    I am deeply sorry for your loss and the world is fortunate that nurse put her job on the line. Keep up the good fight.

  16. You need to sue the shit out of this doctor and the hospital. It is the only way the doctor will face any discipline. I’m sorry you had to go through all of this. I am glad you had the courage to share your story.

  17. I am so sorry that happened to you.

    I had a placental abruption and nearly died of it; they said I would have died if I hadn’t already been in the hospital, so I don’t know how you made it but I’m very glad you did.

  18. I am so so sorry you had to go through this! You are such a brave woman.

    I am, for the greater part, pro-life, but concede to common sense also. Heaven forbid I (or anyone else) should ever experience a similar dilemma. Noone could expect you to be a martyr, surly??!!
    I hope your body is well recovered and I am so pleased your family, especially your littlies, have you to hold their hands through the life ahead of you all. <3

  19. Inexcusable and unbelievable. I’m extremely sorry that this happened to you. You and your husband ought to have sued the hospital, the doctor and perhaps even the medical students.

    I have mixed feelings about ordinary elective abortions- but when there is no question that the woman will die AND when there is no question that the fetus will die anyway?! How- HOW?!- is that even an issue? Even the most ardently anti-abortion person in the world should consider that a no brainer. Actually, I believe that even the Catholic Church might support an abortion in that instance.

    Anyway, I’ve never, ever heard of a more obvious case for an abortion than your case.

  20. Unfortunately, a lawsuit would be an uphill climb in this situation. Why? Because the disgusting truth in this issue is that women have to die or be maimed in order to invoke the EMTALA (Emergency Medical Treatment and Active Labor Act). All it says is that patients must be given life-saving care without regard to their ability to pay. This hospital’s legal team would make the case that there was no indication her life was in danger (even though ultimately we all know it could have been). They give physicians quite a bit of leeway to use discretion.

    A lawsuit would also ask for an establishment of damages. Unless a patient is either killed, or severely injured, or rendered infertile (by actions of the medical staff), then the most she could get would be offset medical costs. In the end it may not be worth the burden and agony one endures through litigation.

    And that’s assuming this incident happened within the statute of limitations ….

    1. This hospital’s legal team would make the case that there was no indication her life was in danger (even though ultimately we all know it could have been).

      No indication other than the fact that she presented to the ER and was admitted as a stable patient with acute bleeding and ended up being transfused and unable to consent (shock) because proper treatment for the bleeding was not provided [in a timely manner].

      1. That does not violate the federal statute. And a malpractice case may have a better shot, but you’d be shocked at what juries find meets basic/minimum standards of state law.

        I have some experience with this, through a relative. It opened my eyes to the distorted views “tort reformers” give about the ease of obtaining relief in civil court.

  21. i can’t begin to describe how angry and frightened this post makes me. i am so sorry you had to go through this, angry at the idiot doctors who made your situation worse and terrified that your experience may be less uncommon than most of us realise.

    i have always believed that abortion legislation is solely to be voted on by women. Men simply have no right to make decisions for women on an issue we can never fully comprehend. Thank you for sharing your story; i hope my rant is not illegible.

  22. My heart goes out to for your loss and for the pain you suffered throughout this ordeal.
    The sheer rage that curdled inside me at the family member who would dare spout such mental vomit has left me without an appetite. If you’re interested, there’s a thread going on over at Reddit regarding your story.

  23. I would love to know the name of the doctor that denied you… That doctor should be reported to the AMA for almost killing you

  24. It’s impossible to describe what I feel after reading about this on the Pharyngula blog. I’m so angry, and so disgusted, I really feel like I’m going to throw up. What kind of vile, evil, misogynistic people treat women like this? To just stand by & watch you die along with the fetus. The USA is not supposed to be a 3rd world hell-hole. Your hospitals are supposed to be leaders in medical science innovation!

    I live all the way over in Australia. I don’t know you. I have never met you. But I can say with my whole heart, whoever you are, that your life is valuable to me. I value you! And I’m happy you are still here. Here for your family, your loved ones, and the value you give to the lives of the people you will meet in future.

  25. I’m sorry to hear of the loss of your child.

    But, your story is a bit confusing as I don’t understand why you didn’t call 9/11 and your doctor then call someone to care for your children?At worst your children would have been transported with you in an ambulance. I also don’t understand if you drove yourself to the hospital why you chose that hospital and again why not call 9/11 in an emergency?
    My doctor always said to call 9/11 and then her if there was an emergency, such as bleeding,which I did in my 6mos of pregnancy of my first child.

    Secondly, I don’t know the reasons for the doctors not performing abortions other than having conscious rights or perhaps none were trained to abort? How can an untrained doctor perform an abortion safely?? I do question why no pain medicine was given to you&why they didn’t try to treat the bleeding with transfusion? There is not enough known based on your story to understand the full circumstances.
    However, according to the American pregnancy association:
    In the case of a partial [placenta]separation, bed rest and close monitoring may be prescribed if the pregnancy has not reached maturity. In some cases, transfusions and other emergency treatment may be needed as well.

    In a case with a total or complete separation, delivery is often the safest course of action. If the fetus is stable, vaginal delivery may be an option. If the fetus is in distress or the mom is experiencing severe bleeding, then a cesarean delivery would be necessary.

    Therefore, why didn’t you request a c-section or why didn’t they offer a c-section to attempt to save the baby and your life? If anything there may be some negligence on the hospitals part for not providing the proper options other than abortion.

    1. Why do you think I need to explain my choices for child care to you? What gives you the right to sit in judgement of me and the difficult decisions I had to make?

      1. Because some people have a pathological need to control and criticize the actions of others. Their own lives are so vacuous, they have no real options. Sad, though, that they would sink to this level.

        All of us who have real-world knowledge of pregnancy and its possible complications believe you.

      2. There is much debate in Kansas about this topic, as you stated. I much appreciate that you have explained this heart-wrenching story. I have two wonderful children, a boy and a girl (2 and 4 yrs respectively). I can’t imagine if I would have needed to make a decision like you and your husband had. While I’m not for abortion just because someone has an unexpected pregnancy, I am definitely for them if the life of the mother is in danger. It sounds like your life and the baby’s life would have both ended had that specific doctor not been available that night. I simply think that 1, there are other options if you have a child that you don’t want and have no intention to keep and care for. And 2, I think that doctor that first “treated” you should have to face consequences. I thought the purpose of a dr was to save any life they could and it doesn’t seem as if he was very concerned about your wellbeing. I am very thankful that you are around for your boys and that they have their mommy AND daddy to care for them. I came to this blog through a local news site. I’m including the link so that you may read it if you would like. May God be with you and your family always!


      3. Is there some reason any of us should care which abortions you are and aren’t “for?”

        What is wrong with you people? Can I come to the hospital when your teenaged son is placed on life support following an accident, and tell you whether I’m “for” you disconnecting it or not?

        Jesus, give us a BREAK from your sanctimonious crap, will you? It is not your life. Leave. It. Alone.

    2. @”Give Life”: Wow, just wow.

      First, I understand that they might not perform a procedure because they are untrained. However, (1) they didn’t attempt to reach someone who does, (2) they neglected to administer pain blockers, (3) they did not check up on her often enough in order to notice that she was losing a lot of blood.

      Now we can speculate the cause all day long, but be it religious, moral, or pure incompetence, but in the end, the only thing that matters is that they weren’t doing their job: to save a life. Just because you can’t save two lives, it shouldn’t mean it should stop you from saving one.

      Second, a patient should NOT be required to ask for a specific treatment. That’s assuming the patient even knows there’s an option. It should be up to the healthcare providers to provide the patient with proper facts and options. We have doctors for a reason: they’re trained, and they *should* be the ones to inform you on how to proceed.

    3. You should be ashamed of yourself, Concern Troll. Go crawl back under your rock, and say hello to Jill Stanek while you’re at it.

    4. Any surgeon that cannot perform such a basic surgery should be stripped of their license. No special training required.

    5. @ Give life

      I swear, are you stupid? Do you really need other people to explain a simple text to you?

      First, who cares if she called 9/11 or went to the hospital on her own? The end result is the same, she goes to the ER in both cases.

      Second, a trained OB/GYN who has never been trained to do abortions? Don’t be ridiculous. Of course they are trained to remove foetuses, that’s their job description. You even write it yourself:
      “If the foetus is in distress or the mom is experiencing severe bleeding, then a cesarean delivery would be necessary.”
      That’s it, all the doctor had to do was a Cesarian section. Of course any trained OB/GYN can do that. Then why didn’t he do it? Because the foetus was only 20 weeks old, meaning he had not the slightest chance of surviving outside of the womb, so a C-section would be equal to an abortion. And he didn’t do abortions. Ever.

      Obviously, you know nothing of medicine and pregnancy: you even thought a 20 weeks foetus is viable!!!
      At least be humble about it and stop questioning the right of a woman to save her own life.

      Condoleances about your loss. Your testimony is courageous and strongly needed as women’s rights are being attaqued all over the world.
      This doctor is dangerous and should be removed from his position.

  26. I’ve stated on the Salon blog the issues I have with your version of events. I don’t doubt that you had an awful experience, neither do I doubt that doctors and hospitals really botch their care of patients. So I challenge you to file a complaint against the hospital that treated you so horrendously. Isn’t that the moral thing to do in order to lessen the likely hood of other women going through the same experience? It could even make for a fascinating story.

    Otherwise, please advise your readers to take note of the banner at the top of your blog- “where fiction and nonfiction collide” and to take your writing with a grain of salt.

    1. You do realize that you have no idea what action I took afterward right? Not filing a lawsuit does not equal complete inaction. Also, not acting the way you think I should does not mean I’m lying. You can believe it or not, that’s entirely up to you. I suspect though that no matter what I did it wouldn’t be enough to appease any of the people who have been running all over the place calling me a liar for not doing things the pro-life way.

    2. So do you spend your life perusing Internet sites where you can use your (lack of) medical training to push your pro-lie agenda? Fabulous!

      I’ll have to say the sensitivity of you people is astounding.

    3. I challenge you to mind your own business and not stalk someone who survived an experience you can only imagine.

    4. Challenge? This is not a arena for duelling, lion fighting, whatever uncivilised endeavours Romans used to force slaves to do for their entertainment. This is a poor woman relating her experience at the hands of some rascal doctors.

      Get a life!

  27. My deepest sympathies for what you have gone through and best wishes for your future good health.

    Some of the comments here really support your original statement that some people will always second guess a woman’s choices regarding her body.

    Its sad that rather than admit there may be cases of necessary abortions, they stick their heads in the sand, pushing for the death of other women.

    Your story is touching and stands for itself. Those who can be swayed might be, but the fanatics will never even understand a word of it.

  28. It saddens me when someone—man or woman—feels the need to step into another person’s private life because they feel like they’re somehow better than the rest of us or they somehow know better.

    I can’t even begin to imagine your emotions, and so I’ll leave with this: thank you for being courageous enough to share your story with the rest us.

  29. I think if you had filed a complaint and received satisfaction you would have used it as a prologue to your story, perhaps with some advice to your sisters if they find themselves in the same situation. If you didn’t get satisfaction that means there was a discrepancy between your version and the Hospital’s version and the Hospital’s was found to be more plausible. If your complaint is still under review it’s foolish of you to be publishing your story for public consumption.

    1. Still at it, huh? Care to embarrass yourself even more?

      See, this is why there will be a sea change in Congress come 2012. You control freaks have outspent your feigned love of “life” and have unveiled yourselves as the miserable, slithering idiots that you are.

      To hell with you. Let me know when you face a dire medical crisis so I can come audit your decisions and make your life miserable.

      “Pro-life” my ass.

  30. Embarrassed, me? Hardly, I’m not the one sputtering all over myself as I type hateful invectives against someone who is merely questioning the veracity of a story put out on a public venue. She wouldn’t be the first writer to twist and create facts for better emotional appeal to her target audience. I’m not a Mikki devotee so I am looking at the story from an objective viewpoint.

    1. “Public venue?”

      What, do you own the Internet?

      If you don’t believe this woman’s story, why comment at all?

      Oh, I know. You can’t help yourself. You’re a dogmatic fetus-worshipper.

    2. Annelise, you have provided no adequate reason for doubting her story other than the simple fact that she didn’t behave as you would have in that situation.

      As a matter of fact, Mikki has stated that she did go through internal complaint procedures, and this hospital’s policies are now better as a resultl

      The lack of a lawsuit, which likely would have been unproductive, a physical and emotional drain, and little more than an exercise in vengeance. The lack of vengeance means nothing to the veracity of her tale.

      You just don’t want it to be true. You have no real, substantiative objections that make any sense to the rest of us.

      Take your agenda elsewhere. You’ll find few like-minded people here. Go huddle with the rest of the Stanek devotees. They’ll give you all the petting and support you want for your offended little nerves.

    3. No, you’re only the person who called a brave woman a liar. How can you live with yourself?

    4. Oh look! A fetusian! Not to be confused with a Christian – bit difference. Look for a soon-coming fetusianity blog, set up just for folks like you.

  31. No, that’s why it’s called “public” and how dull life would be if one was only allowed to speak when in total agreement with another.

    Oh, but you must have misspoke, you are a believer in “choice” after all.

    1. No conscience. No etiquette. No class.

      When something horrible happens to you or yours, you’d better hope to god you don’t face the same sort of vicious taunts you visit on others.

      Not that you don’t deserve it.

      And yeah, I believe in choice. Even for you.

      1. She’ll get right back to you. She has to run over to Stanek’s koolaid stand to find out how to answer you.

  32. Mikki doesn’t owe anyone any justification or explanation.

    The audacity to tell someone who lost a wanted pregnancy that you don’t believe them unless they file a lawsuit. As if that’s any of your business.

    We all know you’re going to cry foul on her story, no matter what she says or does. It’s that predictable.

  33. I also caught your story from Pharyngula. Sorry that you had to endure such stupidity in this day and age. After reading your story I bumped into a news article that will tick off anyone with a lick of sense.

  34. I also caught your story from Pharyngula. Sorry that you had to endure such stupidity in this day and age. After reading your story I bumped into a news article that will tick off anyone with a lick of sense.

  35. I know your story before, because I’ve heard it many times in my support group for moms of medical- related terminations. What is ironic to me is that if I had carried my child to term it would have been completely legal to withold the numerous surgeries she would have needed and watch her die, yet the legality of my termination is now in question thanks to the same IDIOTS that are questioning your story. I really appreciate you sharing with us because your story will help people. I’m just sorry you have to listen to these douchebags.

  36. I can breathe a hefty sigh of relief knowing that you’ve survived and have the courage to bring this trying time in your life out into the open. Of course, in breathing that sigh of relief, all the air I thought I owned was completely sucked out of me when I saw the monstrously sociopathic trolls come over from Salon (Annelise) and JillStanek.com just to harass you.

    If it helps in any way, all I can do from here is wish you and your family continued good health and thank you again for putting yourself out there like this.

  37. I am so sorry for your loss and appreciate the bravery in sharing your story considering the crazy fundamentalists who will attack you for doing so. I wish you all the happyness with your family and the best of luck to you.

  38. Wow that is so sad. I am pro-life BUT I believe there are cases where it is necessary for an abortion. Like to save the mother’s life. Both lives probably would have been lost what good would have come out of that. What I believe is wrong is the people who use it as a form of birth control.

    1. Abortion *IS* birth control. What I believe is wrong is the people who can’t keep their nose out of other people’s business.

  39. If you are not doing so already, I encourage you to pursue specific redress with the hospital. There are problems with specific staff, and with the hospital’s culture. I hope you’re also able to publish something in to local media, naming the institution; sometimes a public shaming gets more done than a formal lawsuit. The most important thing is to keep it from happening again.

  40. I think you’re dead on about the larger cultural issues, but “real change” often takes place incrementally, at a local level. Begin with the specific.

  41. I don’t understand why they even consider it an abortion when it was so obvious the fetus was not viable. I have had two D and Es, but there was no heartbeat. Is that the difference? The heartbeat had not stopped yet? I just don’t understand this. I thought any surgeon could do a D and E to save a life… this was just their personal problem? They vow to first do no harm and letting you die, is, well, harmful!

  42. People are coming down on you for using the word “fetus.” First, that is stupid. Second, you know why I use the word fetus? It hurts less. Let’s me discuss it from a more detached place.

  43. It amazes me that people who have never had to face such a difficult decision feel the need to run others down who have. You have nothing with which to base your accusations on. “Judge not lest ye be judged yourself”. Instead of giving support and understanding to someone who has had to make this heartbreaking decision that they never planned on making, you give condemnation and holier then thou attitude.
    I for one commend you for having the guts to stand up and tell your story. Especially with these people who can’t see past their own ideals.

    1. Precisely. There are women who carry high-risk pregnancies to term, knowing there is a better-than-average chance it could go wrong and they are in danger, but they do it anyway. While I may have conflicting feelings about that, I don’t begin to think of it as my business, and would NEVER EVER EVER tell them to their face that they are choosing the wrong course.

      I guess that’s the difference between pro-choicers and pro-birthers.

  44. I really don’t know why pro-life has graced us with their input on this matter because this is a no-brainer.
    Ohh I know they need a scapegoat. An example with wich they can try their argument and see how valid it is. A table topic for lunch?
    It is hard to recognize when something we fight so hard proves to be wrong or not a general rule or just futile.
    Don’t worry… even though obsessions are hard to cure psychological therapy could be really helpful.
    The judegemental nature of humans will never cease to impress me.

    1. Probably some sort of inner turmoil. They have terrible guilt over their own shortcomings, so they deflect by horning in on other people’s private decisions. It’s a sick thing, really. I’m not even sure therapy would help them because they are seeped in denial.

  45. I got linked to this article through buzzfeed and am a pro choice supporter because as a 19 year old female I like to know that my reproductive health is respected as my inherent right. I live in Canada and as far as I know, the issues regarding reproductive health are a bit better up here. I hope the US can begin to separate personal beliefs with medicine.

    I am very sorry for what you had to go through, it must have been very traumatizing. I hope your family the best in the future and your health to only improve more. Thank God for that life saving crew who regarded you as a patient and treated you with the dignity you deserved.

  46. My grandfather was a gynecologist. He always told my family that a doctor not having been sued is NO proof they’re a good doctor. It’s just proof they are either a good doctor, their complaining patients died, or their complaining patients are either decent people that decided to move on with their lives rather than sue or were too traumatized to do so.

    You know, he’s right. I’ve been raped multiple times. I never contacted the police. According to the above idiots, me not taking legal measures is absolute proof I was never raped and invented the whole thing. Well, that’s not real life, crazies.

    This story isn’t about whether she sued. This story is about a brave woman that almost died due to a monster masquerading as a caring doctor. Anyhow, if she HAD sued, you crazies would probably use that as “proof” she’s money-hungry and profited from the experience.

    Mikki, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and experience. I know for a fact my grandfather performed many illegal abortions in Cuba before the revolution to save lives. He was Catholic and never regretted it. He said a doctor was put on earth to save the lives God entrusted to him. When he passed on, I couldn’t believe the HUNDREDS of people in Miami that attended his funeral that were former patients, all of them saying they had received such understanding and care. Back then, I didn’t understand. I thought doctors just help people. But reading stories like yours, I see just how rare he was, and this is EXACTLY what’s wrong with this country.

  47. I am so sorry for your loss, for your pain, for the difficult position you and your husband were put into, for the improper care you were given and for the hardship this entire set of circumstances has brought into your life.

  48. I am sorry, and I know the pain your going through. I had a similar incident recently my son was 19 weeks along when I went into labor he was already dead and had been for a while I went into the er was their for hours was refused treatment for over an hour didn’t get anything for pain had nasty comments made to me to the person that was with me, I was taken to LDR and he crowned as they moved me to the bed when he was born they left him between my legs for over an hour waiting to deliver the plensenta. They took him away warped him in a yellow and white blanket and showed me photos of him as they took me to surgery to do a D&C. When I was released I signed the paperwork and was shown his footprints.

  49. It’s a miracle that you came out safe to take care of your boys. I can’t understand how people can judge when the unborn child would not have survived anyway. When I read such things it really upsets me. Thank you for sharing such a painful story.

    1. I retracted nothing. The lie here is Stanek’s claims that I did so when I clearly did not.

      1. With a track record like Stanek’s, who should I believe?

        (haaahahaha .. she is pathetic)

  50. This is an absolutely amazing story and is why I am pro-choice and pro-women. Our lives should be more important than our mere organ the uterus.
    Anyhow, I am President of Oakland County NOW (National Organization for Women) and am trying to plan an event in which women can tell there abortion stories or permit us to read their.
    I would love to have premission to read this story if at all possible.
    Please let me know and thanks so much for posting.

      1. Ignore the negative comments and nasty people. Live YOUR life the way YOU are happy in YOUR heart. Only you know your life and what you have lived SO..until EACH and EVERY ONE of the individuals passing judgement on you are in the same place you were…they need to be silent and hold their vile tongues. As a reminder to any of them…By the way you judge, You shall be judged. Nothing is more irritating than when someone says..”I hate apples!”…and never ate one. Best of wishes to you and your family. Keep faith in what you know is the best for you. With all of our love and support….The Martins Family.

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